The Meaning of Fear

It’s been a long few weeks. I haven’t had much of a chance to write. I need it after what happened though. So, I'm making time.

I’ll start with the normal stuff.

Firefighter training gets harder every week. We’re in the home stretch now. Only two more weeks to go. It looks like I might make it.

Or, I might die. Every inch of my body aches, every night. I have muscle aches in places I didn’t even know humans had muscles.

Yeah, I’m still human.

My jeep got a flat the other day, and I realized just how much I took being a supe for granted. I don’t even own a jack. Liberty says there’s still a chance I’ll get my old self back. Sometimes, I’m not sure if I want my old self back, but there are always things I miss. I miss being able to fly, and not skinning my knees when I fall, and being able to open pickle jars.

Brad’s pretty handy for the pickle jars. When he’s around anyway. His new job has him working some odd hours. I heard him talking with Jack the other day about being a little uncomfortable with some of the stuff his boss is asking him to do. He would never tell me anything that personal. Brad’s a little awkward when it comes to talking to women, but he and Jack are best buds. He won’t tell even Jack what his new job is, or who he’s working for, though. Something top secret, we gather. Brad figures he’ll lose his lucrative new gig if he spills anything, so we don’t push.

Jack and I are good. I keep telling him every day, “That’s why,” when he does something that reminds me why I love him. Sometimes, he just studies with me and Roy for the next tough Friday test, explaining something patiently to both of us that we didn’t quite get. Sometimes, I see him giving Brad advice, or helping Ma in the kitchen, or playing ball with our dog, Rocky. And sometimes, he does something really amazing like figure out how to prop up my jeep on spare tires, pump the spares up with extra air to lift the jeep, and change the flat.

My boyfriend rocks.

I keep trying to get a chance to wear that lacy green underwear thing that Jack bought me. But it’s like life is conspiring to keep me a virgin forever.

Firefighter training eats up all of our time. By the time we get home, I’m so tired, and my body aches so badly that a hot bath and bed is all I can manage. Picking up a pen to write in my diary has felt like too much work.

On top of that, Jack and I are still taking Krav Maga with Tamara three days a week. Just when my new body thinks the abuse is over, I get shoved around, and have to punch, kick and block until I can’t hardly lift my arms. The way Tamara and Jack joke around in class bugs me still, but I try not to get weird about it. It’s not like I caught Jack sitting on the floor hugging her while she was half dressed, or saw him kissing her on national television, but still. It doesn’t seem to matter whether I’m a dragon or a normal, I’m constantly afraid I’m going to lose him. I’ve never been in love before. I didn’t know there was so much fear involved.

Last weekend, I found out what real fear felt like.

Jack and I finally got a little time to ourselves. Jack took me out to the Erwin center, Austin's stadium in the round, on a real date. I wore the lacy green one piece underwear. I thought that was going to be The Night.

Instead, I thought I lost him.

Jack took me out to see “Celtic Woman.” I’ve seen them on TV a few times. The music is hauntingly beautiful. It’s like part of me remembers music like that. Considering my tendency to remember things that happened to my ancestors, maybe that’s actually true.

They were doing a concert at the Erwin Center last Saturday. Jack and I booked our tickets on line way ahead of time to get decent seats. Parking downtown was the usual insanity. We had to walk four blocks to get in, but I didn’t mind. At least the humidity was back to normal.

Last year, we had the worst drought in recorded history. This year, the weather made up for it by raining nearly every afternoon for weeks. It was like living in Houston there for a while.

Now, we’re back to a baking 105 in the daytime, and warm, blessedly dry evenings. I never realized how much the heat affected normals until I found myself running obstacle courses in hundred degree heat and 90% humidity in a human body. I barely noticed the temperature when I was a dragon. Temperature was like texture or color, just an attribute of the air, not anything that affected me.

With Jack holding my arm and a fluttery new sundress on that I never could have worn before, the weather seemed just fine. I enjoyed listening to the grackles settling in for the evening with their raucous songs, and the humming buzz of the cicadas playing counterpoint.

It was a great evening to just be alive.

The concert was lovely right up until it turned into hell on earth.

We had seats toward the front of the arena section, just behind and above the floor seats. The stairs leading back to ground level were right beside us. Jack went to the bathroom. It was the only time all night that we were separated. So, of course, that was when the bombs went off.

The bombs weren’t loud. I remember hearing something strange, a few deep distant-sounding booms. I wondered what the odd sounds were, if it was part of the music in some way. There was a second or two where everything sort of paused, and then the screams.

The section I was in was miraculously spared. The Erwin Center is famous for all around view. Every seat is a good seat. The rest of the building fell all around me. I watched as if it were some horrific show.

I didn’t know what to do at first. I wasn’t a supe anymore. Most of the people around me stampeded for the exit down the stairs. A lady tripped, and three other people stepped on her. I jumped into the mess without thinking. I shoved people aside as best I could, but a lot of them were bigger than me, and stronger. I got elbowed a couple times hard enough to bruise. I managed to plant my feet in front of the downed woman, holding onto the stairway railing to keep from getting knocked over, and extended a hand to her.

As soon as she was back on her feet, she started running again, holding an arm that looked broken.

Everyone seemed to think this section of the building was going to blow up next.

Leaving seemed like an okay idea, although I couldn’t really think clearly. I started down the stairs and someone shoved me, hard. I rolled down the stairs, each one embedding a black and blue impression of itself into my flesh. I curled into a tiny ball at the bottom as people kept running all around me, kicking me as they went.

The feet stopped their abuse for a moment. I looked up to see a tall blond man who looked completely familiar, although I was sure I’d never met him before, at least not while I was awake. “Agmund?”

The man looked startled, then smiled. “Agmund was my brother. I’m Alrek. Did you know my twin?” He was a perfectly calm rock in the chaotic river of fleeing humanity.

“I met him a few times.” I accepted a hand up. The tall twin of Quetzelcoatl pulled me in close, sheltering me with his large body against the flow of panicked humanity pouring toward the row of shattered glass doors and out into the relative safety of the street.

I ignored the flow and turned left down the huge round corridor that surrounded the formerly drum-shaped Erwin center. The closest men’s room was that way. I stopped short as I rounded the curve. The corridor was blocked. That entire section of the building had come down.

People were trapped under rubble, moaning or lying unmoving, crushed, hurt, or dead.

I stood there, looking at the pile of concrete and dust. Blood from crushed people oozed from between the stones as if the wounded building were bleeding.

“Are you not going to aid them?” Alrek asked, gesturing to the people on the floor. He had an odd accent. It sounded Mexican or Spanish, sort of.

“I don’t know what to do.” I’ve never felt so lost, so helpless. I needed Jack.

I looked at the impenetrable pile of bleeding building as if Jack would appear if I just watched long enough. I thought about Angela, staring at the hospital entrance where her partner had gone in.

“We should go, Dee,” Alrek said softly. “This building may yet prove unstable.”

I nodded. “You go ahead.” I walked to the wall of rock and started picking up chunks of concrete and setting them aside. I couldn’t pick up very big chunks with my normal human hands. I scraped around the big pieces, pushed, and dug at them until bloody fingerprints marked the concrete.

Alrek pushed me gently aside. “Let me help.” He shifted to scaly form, not the giant dragon battle form that wouldn’t have fit well in the corridor. He was three times as big as a normal human, even so.

He lifted a chunk of concrete that had someone’s leg trapped beneath it. “Help him while I dig.”

I nodded. I didn’t have a kit. The guy had a compound fracture, bone showing.

I snagged a broken piece of steel rebar, tore strips off the hem of my dirty sundress, and splinted the leg. I don’t even remember what the guy looked like. All I saw was the wound. And even that was hard to focus on. I kept looking back at Alrek, as he moved chunk after chunk of concrete.

It seemed like an endless task. There was so much rubble. And bodies. So many dead. Alrek moved nearly as much shattered flesh as steel and concrete.

I kept looking for the bright red shirt I’d given Jack for his birthday, with the embroidered black silk dragon. It looked so gorgeous with his skin tone. Fit for a dragon lord.

I kept expecting to see it, wrapped around some crushed, barely recognizable body part.

I heard people moaning. Even though I moved like a robot and I kept looking back at Alrek to make sure he was still digging, I helped the people around me. I put an improvised pressure bandage around a woman’s leg, where a piece of steel had gone through. I splinted a few more broken bones.

Those who could walk, I sent after help for those who couldn’t.

When there was no one left to help, I started moving small stones again. I couldn’t walk away and I couldn’t just sit there and watch Alrek dig.

With an elder dragon’s strength, Alrek had made a significant dent in the pile. He had cleared a hollow place next to the inner wall of the wide corridor, about ten feet deep and across.

Firefighters and paramedics came in to help the worst wounded.

Someone put a hand on mine and took the chunk of concrete I was carrying from me. The hands were covered in shiny silver mail.

“Dee, what are you doing?” White Knight said. “We need your healing power. Why aren’t you topside helping?”

“I can’t.” That was when the tears started. “I can’t help anyone.”

I put my head against his armored chest. “I can’t help Jack.” I realized I was shaking.

Knight wrapped his arms around me. He looked over my shoulder at the purple dragon steadily digging.

“Who are you?” he asked, one hand on his sword. Old Georgian habits die hard, but at least he talked to the unknown dragon, rather than immediately attacking him.

The dragon turned with a slight bow. “I am Alrek. I have only recently come to your country.”

“Well, I appreciate you helping, but the main rescue efforts are on the other side of the building. There isn’t likely to be anyone left here to save.”

I shoved Knight away from me so hard, he actually stumbled back a little. “Jack is alive.”

I went back to picking up concrete chunks and moving them. I tried to pick up a piece that was too big for me. I struggled with it with tears streaming down my face.

Knight put a hand on my arm. “Dee, there’s no point…”

“NO!” I yanked my arm away from him and went back to struggling with the heavy rubble.

“Allow me.” Alrek lifted the heavy concrete easily in one hand and tossed it aside. We went back to digging side by side.

I picked up a broken piece of plastic with letters carved into it. “Me…” Men. “There!” I said, and dug into the pile of building where the remains of a doorway could just barely be seen. It was pretty clear that where the Men’s room had been was just more rubble.

“Dee, …” Knight tried again.

I ignored him and kept digging, Alrek at my side.

Knight stood there for a moment, watching, then turned and started to walk away. He stopped after a couple steps, next to what had been a stairwell up to the next level. He cocked his head to one side, and said, “Dee!”

“Go away, Knight.”

He turned and started digging himself, in a different spot than we were. “Dee! Alrek! Dig here! I heard something. There’s someone alive in here.”

I looked at Knight, frantically throwing chunks of concrete big enough to crush me over his shoulder.

Jack went to the bathroom. Our seats were on the second level. He had no reason to go up those stairs to the third level. There might be someone alive in there, but it wasn’t Jack.

Alrek paused, looked at me for guidance.

I remembered hearing the woman trapped in the car when no one else could. Dragon hearing. White Knight was a dragon. I wasn’t anymore, so I couldn’t hear anything but the occasional grinding of dirty stone shifting against stone.

“Do you hear anything?” I asked Alrek.

He cocked his head to one side and listened. “Yes. There is someone moving in there.” He gestured to where Knight dug frantically.

I nodded permission. Someone was alive in there, but they might not be alive for long if there was no way for air to get in. Alrek helped Knight to move larger and larger chunks of wall and ceiling. It didn’t occur to me at the time to wonder why a dragon I had just met waited for my permission. I wonder now, but it’s too late to ask.

Within moments, the two strong dragons had cleared a hole through to a hollow space under the heavy reinforced concrete stairs. A man’s arm pushed out of the hole, shoving rubble outward as the two dragons dug inward.

The arm had bright dusty red silk on it.

“Jack!” I ran to the hole and grabbed that hand.

Jack peeked through the hole at me and grinned. He squeezed my hand. “Good to see you too, Dee.”

Knight and Alrek dug the hole further open until it was big enough for people to squeeze through.

Jack came out first, then reached back in to help a lady, two kids, and another guy out as well. They were all completely uninjured aside from coughing up dust.

I hugged Jack so hard that it was a good thing I wasn’t super strong anymore or I’d have squished him. “What happened? How did you get under there?”

Jack shrugged. “I heard the bombs go off just as I was coming back from the men’s room. The stairs seemed like the sturdiest place to be, so I grabbed as many people as I could and ducked under, just before everything came down.”

“That’s why,” I told him, and kissed him hard. Did I mention that my boyfriend was awesome?

We all made our way out of what was left of another destroyed Austin landmark. The giant drum-shaped building was shattered beyond repair. People wandered lost, hurt, and panicked.

All I could think at first was how beautiful the sky looked. A part of me had thought I’d never see it again, at least, not with Jack beside me.

Alrek offered to help with the rescue efforts. Knight, the former Georgian, accepted the offer of aid from a dragon with only a slight hesitation. It was a real step forward for him.

Jack and I pitched in when we spotted Dave among the fire crews. He located us a spare med kit off one of the fire trucks and we went to work.

Alrek left me his cell phone number before we parted ways. I can add one more dragon to the small number that I know.

We worked all night long, searching for survivors and helping the wounded. I saw an awful lot of wounded that I knew would be crippled for life, or might even die. And I couldn’t fix it.

I don’t want to be normal anymore. The price is too high.

I saw Detective Long poking around the rubble. The Defilers’ red crossed bones symbol was spray painted around in several conspicuous spots.

I asked him if he thought the Defilers had done this.

He grunted. “Yeah. Just like the Free Earthers blew up the highway, and Lord Vile blew the hospital.”

“It’s the same person for all three, isn’t it?”

He nodded. He pointed at the black camera eye on a nearby lamppost. “And he’s watching us closely every time. He or she or they.” He looked back at the only intact portion of the structure. “What I don’t understand is why just this section was left standing.”

“It’s a good thing it was. I was in there when it happened.”

He looked at me, eyes narrowed. “Lucky for you.”

A sick feeling twisted in my stomach. Something had been bothering me from the first explosion. “I’m not sure it was luck.”

“What do you mean?”

“The hospital that blew, I worked there for years before I was fired a few months ago. And, the first explosion, so central and public, like it was meant to draw out all the heroes, to get them to show what kind of people they were, and what they could do. I’m the only new hero in Austin right now. I’m the only unknown. TakeDown’s been an Austin fixture for two decades and The Protectors are all national news.”

“And now, the building you’re in blows up, everywhere but where you’re sitting.”

“I bought my tickets on line, weeks ahead of time. Any decent hacker could have figured out when I’d be here and where I would sit.”

Det. Long straightened his bright blue tie, squinting at his tie tack as if it were fascinating. “Why you, Dee? You said this didn’t seem like the Georgians’ style. Too bloody.”

“Maybe I’m just being paranoid. Maybe it’s just coincidence.”

Det. Long frowned down at a red crossed bones symbol painted on a still standing brick ramp railing. “Mmm. And maybe the Defilers did it.

D. Dragon

Passing Tests

Jack and I took our written civil service tests the other day. We both aced them. It was a pretty tough test, but after 50 years of taking tests, I’ve gotten pretty good at it. Jack’s just smart. He always aces tests. He got his paramedic certification faster than anyone else I know of. 

Only forty-five out of three hundred or so applicants did well enough on the written exam to get as far as the physical exam.

A short pale guy in his early fifties with a perpetual smile named Dave ran us through our paces for the physical tests. He had arms as big around as my thighs. He told us only twenty of us forty-five would be chosen for the academy, based on our performance. The exam had several parts, carrying a heavy weight up a ladder, running up ten flights of stairs in a fire tower and back down again, running an obstacle course, and something called a “rescue relay.”

Dave watched the whole thing, nodding encouragingly. There were a few people who couldn’t make it up the ladder with the hundred pound weight, and more who couldn’t run all the way up the stairs. Dave patted them on the back. “It’s okay. Most people can’t complete this course. No shame in trying your best. By passing the written exam, you’ve earned the right to come back and try again one more time in the next six months.  Spend some time at the gym, and when you feel like you’re ready, give me a call.” He gave them his card and sent them on their way. We were down to forty.

Jack struggled with the weight on the ladder. It was damn near as big as he was, but he set his jaw stubbornly and made it. The run up and down stairs was a breeze for him. Jack runs marathons in the hill country. For fun. He runs five or six miles every day when he gets up just to shake out the cobwebs.

I made it okay, but my thighs told me about it for days afterward.

The obstacle course was next.

There were a couple of big football frat boys fresh off the UT campus, a huge blond guy and a black guy with shoulders as wide as an axe handle, who seemed to think Jack and I didn’t belong. They were determined to make sure misfits like us didn’t make it into their new club.

The black guy with the shoulders “accidentally” bumped into Jack on the obstacle course, and laughed when he stumbled. Jack’s kind of a small guy. He has such an air of cheerful competence that most folks have the good sense to let him be. These boys weren’t real big on good sense, though.

I heard Jack grunt as he stumbled to one knee.

Jack got right back up and kept going.

I slowed down to get in between the jerks and Jack so they couldn’t mess with him anymore.

That made the big blond guy laugh. He gave Jack crap about hiding behind a girl as he left us in his dust on a field of tires that we both had difficulty navigating. Jack’s jaw tightened. He told me not to wait on him. But I wasn’t going to leave him behind where they could pick on him again.

We caught up with the football boys at a high obstacle wall that was just the first of six similar walls.  I gave Jack a boost over, then jumped each wall in one clean leap. There was an open run after that. Jack’s fast, so we pulled way ahead of the jerks while they struggled to get over the walls. That made their laughter die.

As the last person finished the obstacle course, I noticed we were down to thirty-eight. Two more folks couldn’t finish the course. That meant that nearly half of us would be eliminated in the last event.

I stayed in between those two frat boys and Jack as we moved as a group to the parking lot next to the fire station. That just made them crowd my personal space instead of Jack’s. The leering looks and off-color jokes made Jack look as pissed off as I felt.

I had to restrain myself from slapping the smirk off those smart mouths. Jack is a lot more cool-headed than me generally, but I don’t think he’d have tried to stop me.

Dave’s cheerful pale blue eyes watched it all, but he didn’t say anything.

He explained to us that the last test was called the “rescue relay.” Each of us needed to choose a partner. The first person had to run to the end of the parking lot, pick up a two hundred pound punching bag, roughly the size and shape of a large man, and run back with it over a shoulder. The partner then had to run the bag back to the other end of the lot, drop it, and sprint back.

Dave stood there with a stopwatch. “You’ll be graded both on individual run times, and team run times.”

We all paired up. Jack and I were a team, of course. The two football frat boys teamed up, of course. Everyone else paired up as they chose. While the first team ran the relay, the rest of us were left to mill around aimlessly in the parking lot until it was our turn.

I felt very conscious that this was essentially, a job interview. I’d already blown interviews at nearly every emergency service in town. If I wanted to be an EMT again, this was the only real chance I had left.

Consequently, I didn’t smack the big blond college boy, even when he goosed me in the ass while we were waiting.

Jack growled, and started toward the jerk. He’s a very patient man, but Jack is still a man. And messing with his woman was waaay out of line.

The college jerk’s broad-shouldered buddy closed ranks with him. The two big frat boys clearly intended to intimidate the little Asian guy.

The thing is, Jack doesn’t intimidate.

Jack had been studying Krav Maga with Tamara for months. Jack getting beat up was the opposite of the likely scenario. I would have felt sorry for the idiots who made him mad if they weren’t acting like such assholes.  I just hoped Jack didn’t bring his taser. Things could get really ugly really fast.

 “Jack,” I put a hand on his shoulder. “These guys aren’t worth it. We need this job.” I nudged him and rolled my eyes toward Dave, watching another team run the rescue relay.

Jack’s eyes darted to Dave, then back to the frat jerk. Jack’s lips tightened until they disappeared, but he stepped back. “Keep your hands to yourself,” he said.

The big guy snorted. “Like you’re going to do anything about it.”

Jack smiled a cold smile with no teeth showing. “Maybe I’ll just let her do something about it.”

Me? Um, what could I do without getting us in trouble? Jack grinned wide at me and touched his tongue to his teeth. Aaah. The light bulb went off.

I grinned at the frat guy, and did something I’d never done before. I deliberately popped out my fangs in front of someone, and let the anger boil in me, so I knew my eyes would go red enough to glow through my dark glasses.

The swaggering, blond big man on campus blanched and took a step back. His dark, broad-shouldered buddy stepped behind him.

Heh.

Jack extended an arm to me and I took it. We walked off arm-in-arm to the other side of the waiting crowd, leaving those two behind.

Dave’s sparkling eyes were on us when I turned around. A smile played on his lips. I wasn’t sure if he saw what happened and approved, or if it was just his usual cheerfulness.

The rescue relay was tough. Four people couldn’t do it at all. Two people couldn’t get the bag up to their shoulders, and two only managed to stagger about half way across the parking lot under the weight before dropping it and giving up. That left thirty-four. Fourteen people were going to be eliminated, even if they completed the test, because their times weren’t good enough. We not only had to finish, we had to finish fast.

Dave told the folks who couldn’t finish the same thing he told the folks who couldn’t complete the earlier challenges. “It’s okay. You can try again.” But they were done for the day, test failed.

I wasn’t sure what would happen to their teammates who completed the course, but would have no team score. Dave didn’t ask them to leave at least.

The football guys went. They both aced the relay. High fives and chest bumps ensued ad nauseum.

Dave nodded and smiled. “Excellent time.”

We were next. I knew this test would be a breeze for me, but the hardest challenge of all for Jack.

“Maybe you should team with someone else,” Jack said.

“Not a chance,” I told him. “You can do it.”

Jack and I decided that letting me run first would give us the best chance of a good team time. If I ran like crazy, all Jack would have to do was complete the challenge.

Dave said go and I ran, practically tearing up chunks of asphalt with every stride.

My super duper hearing heard the muttering behind me. “Goddam supes. Not fair for regular guys to have to compete with freaks.”

I broke stride a little. The comment hit me like a slug in the gut.

Jack’s voice muttered softly, “You’re right, Dee. They’re not worth it.” He knew I’d hear him.

I threw that bag over my shoulder, spun and ran back. I barely noticed the weight difference. I turned over a semi truck once, with some help.

Instead of throwing the weight down on the ground when I got back like everyone else had, I carefully transferred it to Jack’s shoulder, saving him the difficult task of lifting it from the ground. It cost me on my individual time, but would speed up both Jack’s time, and our team time, assuming Jack made it. Which he would. I’d never seen Jack give up.

I glanced at Dave to make sure transferring the weight was allowed.

Dave’s pale blue eyes sparkled with almost laughter and he nodded encouragingly.

Apparently, it was allowed. No one else had thought to sacrifice a few seconds of their own individual time to help their team time.

Loud protests came from the football boys. “Hey!” “That’s not fair!”

Dave chuckled. “You’re just irritated you didn’t think of it.”

Dave clicked the watch as the weight was transferred to end my time and start Jack’s. “If you were a normal, that would be a new record,” he told me.

A wave of fear hit my belly. Was he going to disqualify me because I was a supe?

“We keep different records for normals and supes.” He patted my shoulder. “We’ve got a speedster in the fourteenth precinct who can run it in half your time.”

“Oh. Well, I’ll just have to get faster then.” Competitive? Me? Nah.

Dave chuckled.

Jack staggered under the bag that was more than his own body weight. He couldn’t run at all. He could barely stand.  He walked as fast as he could manage, doggedly putting one foot in front of the other. Toward the end, he wobbled, staggering like a drunk, but he kept going. He let the bag drop gratefully when he finally stumbled to the other end of the parking lot. He took too panting breaths, then ran back like the wind.

Dave clicked the stopwatch as Jack ran past and collapsed, gasping for air. “Well done,” he said with a smile, but he said that to everyone who finished the test.

A couple of teams who ran after we ran did the transfer the weight instead of drop the weight thing to shave a bit off their team times.

Jack’s individual time was way low, but our team time was the second best, right after the obnoxious football players.

Dave announced, “The top five teams are accepted into the academy. In addition, the top five relay runners whose team time didn’t already qualify them, and the top five obstacle course runners who otherwise didn’t qualify.” He read off the names of the folks who were in. It included me and Jack. It also included the two college jerks. For everyone else, he told them the same thing. “You can try again once more. Just call me when you’re ready.”

Dave smiled at Jack and I. “You two qualified twice. Team relay time, and obstacle course time. Well done. You showed some excellent teamwork in both tests.”

That was it. We were in!

We had paying jobs again and we’d get to work together again.

I hugged Jack hard, careful not to hurt him.

Dave turned to the jerks. “You two qualified three times, team relay time, individual time, and obstacle course time.”

More nauseating fist bumping macho BS.

“However,” For the first time, Dave’s smile disappeared. “If you hadn’t done so well, I’d have disqualified you both. You now have one demerit on your records each. Three demerits before completing the ten week academy course and you will be out. No excuses.”

“What the heck?” “Disqualified? What for?” The two boys both looked outraged.

“Sexual harassment will get you fired. Fast.” Dave poked the blond guy in the chest with a finger, his neck arched to look up into the big boy’s face. “Touch another female firefighter or cadet inappropriately and you’ll be gone so fast your shoes will have to catch up later.” Dave’s normally cheerful voice had a nasty bite. “Do I make myself clear, cadet?”

The blond college boy swallowed hard, clearly terrified of the short man in his fifties. “Yes, sir.”

Dave transferred his finger to the broad-shouldered boy’s chest. “If I see you deliberately sabotage another firefighter or cadet again, you will find yourself out the door just as fast. Our lives depend on the people we work with. If a fellow firefighter stumbles, you catch him, if he can’t carry something, you grab an end and help. Clear?”

The dark-skinned boy cleared his throat before he spoke. “Crystal, sir.” He had the grace to duck his head in embarrassment. “Sorry.”

“This is your only warning. If you had already been on the payroll, you’d have been fired on the spot.” Dave added. “Dismissed. You start Monday morning, 7 AM sharp. Bring better attitudes.”

He grinned at us as the chastened boys left. “Don’t let them get to you. They’re just young. They don’t realize yet that the world doesn’t owe them anything. They’ll learn, or they’ll wash out.” He shrugged as if it didn’t matter one way or the other to him.

“Um, Dave, sir? You said three demerits and we’re out. How else can we get demerits?”

He chuckled. “Well, fighting is one thing. If either one of you had taken a swing at those boys who so richly deserved it, you’d both have demerits. If you’d done it after you were hired, you’d have been fired instantly. We can’t afford hot-heads in the ranks.”’

I swallowed. We dodged a big bullet. “Got that. No fighting. What else?”

Dave held up his hand and started listing on his fingers, “Misconduct, failing a test, missing a day of work, being late.” He shrugged. “Just show up every day on time, do your best and you’ll do fine. The toughest part is the tests. The learning pace is pretty intense. You have a test every Friday over the week’s material. If you fail one, you get a demerit, but you can take the test again the next week. If you still can’t pass it, you’re done.”

“Okay, thanks.”

I looked at Jack. I felt defeated even though we’d just won a big victory.

Missing work. Being late.

Those were the things that got me fired from my last job. Those were the reasons no one else would hire me. As long as I kept helping the Protectors fight crime, there was no way in hell I could go ten weeks without being late or missing work.

Jack took my hand and squeezed it. “You can do it, Dee.”

That’s what he thinks. I am so screwed.

D Dragon

Broken

We still don’t know who blew up the highway, but whoever it was got bored. It was a hospital that blew this time, not just any hospital either, my hospital, the one where I used to work, and where my injuries got patched up when Bobcat tore me a few new orifices.

Lord Vile’s emblems were painted all over the rubble, but Vile did a personal television appearance to deny having anything to do with it. He offered his condolences to the injured, dead and their families. He even sent his red-shirted, goggled goons out in force to help with the rescue efforts. I really don’t get Vile. His schemes kill thousands but when something bad happens in his home town that he’s not personally responsible for, it’s like he gets offended, like he’s the only one allowed to wreak havoc in Austin.

Liberty, Jupiter Joe, and I were in the middle of the mess, trying to get people out of the rubble that used to be a modern four story hospital, plus the basement, underneath, where the ambulances parked and the EMT lockers were. The ramp that lead underneath the hospital was, of course, buried completely. I had really disliked my old boss.  But the high probability that he’d been under there when it blew made my throat tight anyway.

Most of the people we pulled out weren’t in any shape to appreciate the rescue. A lot of those folks had already been injured or seriously ill even before the building fell on them. I pulled out far more bodies and smashed parts of bodies than folks who were still breathing.

I saw Novak and Tamara both in their firefighter gear, putting out a nasty blaze that sprung up on one end of the rubble after the initial explosion. With all the canisters of flammable gas that get stored in a hospital, they were desperately trying to cool things down.

Tamara struggled to get her hose stream into the base of a flame that seemed to be resisting her efforts to put it out. It was coming up from below a section of collapsed roof. Every time she got one section snuffed, it would flare up worse in another crack. She was probably fighting a blaze in a hollow below the top layer of stuff. It had to have a fuel source to be that stubborn.

Tamara moved in closer, trying to get to the buried source of the fire. Novak lifted the heavy hose behind her, giving her the slack she needed so she could move farther in.

There was a weird sound from under the rubble, a muffled Foom!

Novak dropped the hose, grabbed Tamara by the back of her coat, spun and tossed her twenty feet into the street. The whole section of rubble on that side exploded all over Novak. Tamara sailed clear of the explosion, landed like being tossed like a football was a perfectly normal part of her day, rolled, and came up unhurt. Debris rained down around her.

“Novak!” I yelled as I ran. I grabbed the wildly spewing and flailing firehose, handed it to the nearest guy in firefighting gear and started ripping my way through the burning wreckage, searching for one buried ex-superhero.

“You need to stay back,” the firefighter shouted at me as I ran right through the flames. “It could blow again!”

All the more reason for me to get Novak out of there now.

A hand stuck out from under a pile of twisted metal girders, and other various chunks of hospital. I tossed cinder blocks, concrete and timbers aside. Novak looked up at me, hazel eyes blinking to clear the dust.

One whole side of Novak’s body was shredded. Bits of shrapnel embedded in his skin stuck out like spines. A couple of the steel girders went clear through his shoulder and belly and came out the other side.

“Shit,” I breathed.

His lips twisted a little. “Should have been wearing my armor, I guess.”

I got so unbelievably angry at him out of nowhere. I wanted to scream and shake him, but it probably would have killed him. “Why the hell weren’t you? Why the hell were you fighting fires and getting yourself blown up, and not even wearing your armor underneath?”

He tried to shrug, but only managed to move one shoulder. The other one was nailed to the concrete block under him. That was all the answer he gave me. It just pissed me off more.

I took my anger out on the metal that had him pinned. I crushed one of the steel girders with my strong left hand, bent it back and forth until I could snap it off. I couldn’t help but move it a little in his wound as I did.

Novak bared his teeth in a grimace of pain.

I tried to stay angry at him. It helped.

The other chunk of steel was straight and short. I figured I could lift him off both of them without doing much additional damage. He’d bleed, though. As soon as I took out the metal plugging the wounds, he’d bleed out in seconds.

The only way I could save him was healing venom. Novak knew I was a dragon now. Hell, he even knew by now, that HE was a dragon, or he wouldn’t have donated blood for me. My venom works best on other dragons, so I knew I could save him if I bit him quickly. I didn’t need to hide my fangs from him, but we were surrounded by news cameras and rescue workers.

I had to get the metal out of his body first. If his body tried to heal around it, that wouldn’t be good.

I worked my arms under his neck and waist.

He groaned as the tiny movement caused him way out of proportion pain. “Serves you right, idiot,” I said softly, losing the last traces of anger. My throat closed with a completely different emotion as I held his battered, bleeding body in my arms.

Novak put his free hand up and touched my face. “Dee, don’t.”

“Don’t what?”

His fingers traced a tear I didn’t remember shedding. It was dusty and smokey and stuff. “Don’t save me this time.”

“Huh?” I looked down at him, blood and dirt smudged all over his handsome, scarred face, and saw the resignation in his eyes.

“This is a good death. I’ve earned it. Just let me go.”

“But …” For half a second, I thought about it. He should have the right. I’d never forced anyone to accept healing when they didn’t want to be healed. Then I got pissed off again. “Novak, you selfish son of a bitch. Damn it, there are hardly any dragons left in the world, thanks to the people you served most of your life. I am not going to let you cop out of life, just because you can’t stand the thought of being like me.”

“I’m not like you, Dee. You’re beautiful and proud. Everything that makes me like you was cut away and thrown in the garbage. I’m not a Georgian anymore either. I’m sure as hell not a hero. I’m just a freak.”

“Aren’t we all,” I said. “Maybe you weren’t paying attention, but there’s some maniac blowing up our city piece by piece. We need you. You don’t get to just check out. You’re the White Knight, Excalibur’s wielder. And that isn’t a responsibility you can ignore, no matter how bad you feel. Now, shut up while I rip a couple of feet of steel out of you.”

I lifted him fast. It was going to hurt any way I did it. At least, this way it would only hurt for a moment.

He screamed and gasped for air.

My arms got soaked with hot liquid as blood gushed out of the two gaping holes in his body.

I had to bite him quick, without anyone else knowing what I was doing. I’d already figured out how to bite someone in front of a bunch of cameras, back when Vlad was nearly killed on Mansfield Dam.

I kissed Novak.

It’s not like it was gross or anything. The guy was hot. It was just that I wanted to smack him most of the time, not kiss him. It was a pretty angry kiss. I bit his tongue with a fang to inject him with venom which was the whole point. No way that stubborn, pig-headed pain in my backside was dying if I could help it. The healing venom slowed the flow of blood over my hands to a trickle, then stopped it.

I started to pull away from the kiss, but Novak put his free hand behind my head, fisted it in the hair at the base of my neck and kissed me back, hard.

I didn’t know what to do. No one had ever kissed me like that before. Jack was always really sweet and gentle, and the two times I’d kissed Vlad had been all me, with Vlad just accepting whatever I was willing to give.

Novak practically devoured me.

It was … kind of … exciting, actually. I can’t believe I even just wrote that, but yeah. It was an awesome kiss. I started to pull away, but Novak was nearly as strong as me. He held my head tight to his. After a second or two, pulling away just didn’t seem all that urgent.

I’m not sure how long it was until he finally let me up for air, but I had a hard time catching my breath. The last time he kissed me, I threw him off a building. You’d think he would have learned his lesson. “Damn it, Novak. Why do have to be such an ass?”

“It’s a gift,” he said with a twist of lips like a pale echo of the cocky know-it-all smartass I met a year ago.

I carried him through the flames, shielding him with my fireproof self inside my new fireproof suit. Then I wasn’t sure what to do with him.

I saw an ambulance parked on the street. An ambulance, yeah. That seemed like a sensible place to take a badly injured man.

The back doors were locked. It was a unit just like my old one. I felt a pang of nostalgia. I looked around for the paramedics for the unit. I finally spotted Angela, who had been Jack’s partner briefly, sitting on the curb, watching the hospital where she’d worked for years burn.  There were injured everywhere, walking wounded wandering past while she just sat and stared.

“Hey! Some help here.” I kicked her lightly to get her attention.

She stood up listlessly and looked at Novak. “You’ll have to take him somewhere else, maam.” She didn’t recognize me in the new getup.

“Somewhere else?  Was there a stupid gas in that explosion?  Open the damn doors of this unit and get this man to a hospital. Now!”

“But the hospital is gone,” she said in a lost little voice.

“Then drive him to another one.” I spoke to her like she was retarded. She was acting like it.

“Dave, is inside. He usually drives. He just went back in to get something.” Her voice trailed off again. She stared, mesmerized, at the pile of rubble and flickering flame.

Oh.

And I yelled at her and called her stupid. I felt like pond scum.

The ramp that led down under the hospital was buried completely. Anyone who had been down there when it blew was buried now under four stories of former building.

I swallowed. If I still worked here, it could have been me sitting on the curb, lost. It could have been Jack who just went back for a minute because he forgot something.

I looked down at Novak. He’d lost consciousness. I listened to him with my sensitive hearing. His heartbeat was way too fast. He’d lost too much blood. I needed to get him to a hospital, and donate for him, or he might die even with healing venom in his system.

I laid him gently down on the sidewalk right in front of Angela.

“Angela, it’s Dee. We’ve got a thoracic trauma vic. Lost a lot of blood. He’s tachycardic,” I said it as if this were an ordinary call. I handed her Novak’s wrist, so she could feel his rapid pulse under her fingers. Angela and I didn’t always get along, but she was a good paramedic. I needed to get her focused on doing her job, instead of on what happened to her partner. “What’s our tack?”

“He needs a saline drip stat and immediate transport,” she said without thinking. She reached for her kit automatically, but she’d left it in the unit. EMS folks do half their jobs while they’re barely awake enough to function. She’d gone into her automatic mode.

She pulled the keys out of her pocket, unlocked the unit and pulled out her kit. We maneuvered Novak out of his coat, then cut away the rest from his upper body. Trying to cut through a firefighter’s coat is more trouble than it’s worth. Those things are made of sturdy stuff.

Angela got a drip going into Novak’s arm while I pulled the gurney over.

“1, 2, 3 Lift.” We got him onto the gurney, loaded in the unit and I took the keys from Angela’s hand. “I’ll drive.”

She nodded absently, focused on her patent, not on the still burning wreckage where her partner used to be.

I dropped Novak at St. David’s along with a couple pints of my blood.

He’ll be okay, physically. That death wish thing isn’t just going to go away, though.

I’m not really sure what to do about that.

Unfortunately, I am pretty sure it’s on me. I broke him. I shattered his belief in himself, his mission, everything that mattered to him. I thought I’d picked up the pieces and got him going again, but apparently not.

I drove the ambulance, with Angela, back to the rubble that used to be a hospital. We made several more trips, transporting the worst injured. It wasn’t what Liberty would have told me to do. She’d have assumed that someone else could do this. She’d have told me I should do the superheroic stuff, and leave this sort of thing to the normals.

But I’m an EMT and it needed doing.

Dee Dragon

The Price of Heroism

A couple days after I got out of the hospital, after generous amounts of Ma’s special chicken soup with bones ground up in the broth, and enough cayenne to make a normal cry, I felt about like myself. The claw scars on my belly, arm, and face were still visible, but not quite as Halloween scary-looking. It was time for me to get back to work.

Jack and I rode in to work together in his stalwartly dependable Toyota Matrix.  My old Jeep CJ 7 had 20 years on his car, and while it kept chugging along for the most part, I had to admit, Jack’s car was a lot more comfortable. One of the advantages of Jack living with me, and with his furry alarm clock of a cat, was that we BOTH made it to work on time every night. That is, when I made it to work.

Between stakeouts, and other crime fighting, Protectors training, and recovering from periodic injuries, I’d used up all my sick time, all my vacation time, and then some. If Jack and I didn’t have the best survival statistics of any ambulance team in town, I’d have been fired ages ago.

“You’re fired,” the boss said as we walked past his desk.

I looked at him, claw marks still raw on my face. “I was in the hospital.”

“I don’t care. If you can’t show up to work, I can’t afford to keep paying you.”

“I’m hourly. If I don’t show up, you don’t pay me.”

He shifted the toothpick in his mouth to the other side. “I can’t keep shifts covered if you don’t show up half the time. This isn’t a part time job, girl. If you’re going to spend all your time chasing criminals, get the Protectors to pay you.”

The Protectors don’t pay part-timers like me. You have to become a full team member to get a salary.

He was serious. I was really fired. My savings were gone. I had a place to live, but …

Jack said, “If you fire Dee, you’re going to have to fire me, too. I won’t work with anyone else.”

My hero. Have I mentioned lately how awesome Jack is?

The boss wrinkled his nose and nodded. “I expected that. Fine, you’re fired too. I’ve already hired a replacement team. Get your stuff and get out. I’ll mail you your last checks.”

He turned his back on us.

Jack walked in to the locker room, and started clearing out his stuff.

“Wait, Jack.” I put a hand on his arm. “It doesn’t make any sense for us both to be out of work. The boss would give you back your job, if you asked.”

Jack shrugged. “Don’t worry about it, Dee. We’ll land on our feet. I’d rather work somewhere else with you.” Jack’s an optimist, but that’s a bit like saying water is wet. Jack makes Polyanna seem like a depressive.

“Both of us out of work at once, though. How are we going to live?” I tend to see things a little less positively.

“Free rent helps, and Brad’s got a good job, still. He’ll be okay with keeping us going for a few weeks until we find something. He owes me.”

True. Brad was on his way to a drunk and disorderly charge, with no place to live and a broken heart, when Jack offered to let Brad live with him. He didn’t know Brad. He just knew he needed a place to stay. That’s my Jack.

When Jack’s apartment building burned down, Brad, Jack, and Jack’s cat, Cam, and dog, Rocky, all moved in with me and Ma in our little two-bedroom apartment. When my friend, Vlad, the multi-millionaire, decided to leave town, he gave us his mansion, rent free. And his chief of security, Floyd Donovan, salary pre-paid.

So, we had a place to live, and a protector, whether we needed one or not, but little things like food and gas might be a bit hard to come by with no jobs, not to mention the hefty hospital bills I'd just racked up.

Plus, I really like my job. Sure, I feel like I’m helping out with the Protectors, taking some really bad people off the streets, but as a paramedic, I save lives directly. I see people who would die or be crippled for life every single day, and I know they’re better off because I was there to help them. Jack gets us there first, and covers for me. Jack and I save lives together. That’s what we do.

Jack suggested we use our unexpected day off to go listen to some of SXSW, the big music festival going on in Austin. Counting Crows was in town. Jack and I don’t always agree on music, (he likes that dub step stuff that makes my ears ache) but we both like Counting Crows.

I mentally calculated the nearly zero level of my bank account, and wondered if I could afford to go to a “free” concert where I’d have to pay to park, eat, etc.

We opted to go home first and break the news to Ma.

Brad and Donovan were both at the kitchen table, with Ma piling roast beef with potatoes and carrots on a plate for him.

Jack and I grabbed plates and joined in. With our reversed night shift schedules, we were more in the mindset of bacon and eggs, but Ma’s roast fills the house with a scent that would make vegetarians rethink their choices.

“What are you two doing home?” Ma asked.

I stuffed my face with roast to try for extra time. I really didn’t want to tell Ma that Jack and I were both suddenly unemployed.

Jack bailed me out. “We got fired, maam.”

Ma blinked. “Both of you?”

I swallowed roast. “Just me, at first, but Jack stuck up for me. Then the boss fired him, too.”

“Oh, dear.” Ma sat down and drank some tea. I expected a lecture. I got absolute silence from everyone at the table.

Something was off. “What did I miss?”

Brad, the four hundred pound, six-four giant steel-worker with super strength and invulnerability at the level of a Protector, twisted a paper towel in his hand until it shredded. “I got laid off today. The plant’s closing down.”

My stomach lurched a little. Jack and I were counting on Brad to help us get through the lean time. “Are you saying that no one in the whole house has a job now? We have no income at all?”

“I still have a job,” Donovan pointed out. “I could help out some.”

I cringed. “You’re supposed to be working for me. It doesn’t seem right for you to give us money.”

Donovan shrugged. “Mr. Tchovsky pays me well, and I don’t have a family to support. I can help out.”

I saved Donovan’s life once. He seemed to feel like he owed me for that. But he didn’t owe me anything. Not really. He was already essentially working for me for free. “Donovan, I …” My phone rang, interrupting. It was Liberty’s number.

“This is Dee,” I said, grateful for the interruption of what looked to be a very uncomfortable conversation.

“Liberty. I’m sorry to interrupt you at work, but we’ve already got injuries, and it’s probably going to get worse. We need you.”

“No work to interrupt anymore.” She gave me a location. “I’ll be there.”

D Dragon